His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
