we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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