Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
