if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
