So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
