and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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