okay pat passed out under dana's car
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
