woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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