i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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