he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize