got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
