i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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