It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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