i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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