i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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