I just pynch a tree in the face
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
