the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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