yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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