My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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