I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
