if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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