I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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