how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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