My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
