i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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