u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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