Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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