I'm laying in your front yard are you home
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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