I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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