Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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