when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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