my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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