im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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