I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're like the curious george of whores
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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