I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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