If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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