Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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