So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
