You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
