Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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