There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
