We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
