WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You made out with two different species that night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
