Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
