turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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