Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
