i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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