doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
