I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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