Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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