I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
