I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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