We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
