all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
