I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
