what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
