Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
