She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
