My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
