Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
