Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
