She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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