who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
