I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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