Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
