Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
