my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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