This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
