we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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