I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
