So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the condom got lost in my hair
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
