yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
